On October 30th my parents threw us a reception. Lots of fun. Hard to recall much of it because I was floating from one person to the next, greeting everyone, catching up (however briefly) with friends and family I haven’t seen in years, all the while smiling so much my face got stuck. It was fun to see the different groups of people interact. It was actually the first time Joe met several members of my family. My niece, Nichola, ran up to me at one point and gave me a hug around my knees. My thought process went something like, “Aww, hi honeeeeeee Noooooooo! Chocolate!” So I now have a smear of chocolate on my dress. Inevitable (I’m amazed I didn’t spill anything on it in Venice, actually) and funny. Stains from hugs are good.

People keep asking me, “How does it feel to be married?” Since Joe and I had already been living together for almost two years I have to answer, “Not all that different from unmarried life.” (I don’t think people like that answer.) Honestly the differences between married and unmarried for me are slight occasional glows. I’ll look at Joe and think, “Damn, that’s my husband!” When we hold hands, I’ll become aware of the rings. Thoughts about the future are more concretely about “us” and not “I.” It surprises me how easily it is to slip into familiarity with the thought of being married but there are also times I need to be reminded that I’m somewhat pluralized now. The changes are very subtle and interesting to me, but not really things that can be summarized in a pat answer to a different form of “How are you?”

The pictures I absolutely cherish. It’s just so luxurious to look through them and realize it was real. That was us. We were there. Since we had only two witnesses, I get to go over the photos with other people and relive that day over and over again. Funny how for all the crazy paperwork and the strain over keeping it a secret we weren’t that worked up about the wedding day. There was little stressing about making it a special day because it just was.

How could it not be?

All the waiting and secret keeping ended up being well worth it. Reactions have been positive. My parents are thrilled; they basically said, “We don’t have to worry about the ceremony and can go straight to the party!” My parents rock. The “reception” will probably be in mid to late October. I’m looking forward to it, partly for the silly reason that I’ll get to wear the dress again.

I now find myself switching between wanting to talk about it nonstop to still feeling like I have to keep quiet about it. I’m not sure how to drop this little bit of news into conversation, so sometimes I just don’t say anything. I need to get over that.

After a few days of being frustrated over how tight they were, I’ve gotten used to wearing the rings. I’ve never been much of a ring person; the last one I wore regularly was my high school ring. These are pretty form fitting and are a bit difficult to get off (which is a good thing), but I’ve noticed that my finger seems to be changing shape to accommodate this new hardware.

According to the stats of this blog, some people have found it by searching for information on Hefez and Sons. I’m happy to give them the advertising because they really were wonderful to work with. Other people were searching for pictures of the Kate Hudson dress.

I should mention a few books that we looked to for advice about this event.

Let’s Elope — Good for etiquette questions and has a good description of options beyond a Justice of the Peace.

Beyond Vegas — Very good descriptions of fun alternatives. It’s very frank about the difficulties involved.

The Everything Elopement Book — Eh. I got the impression that this book was written in an attempt to convince the author’s mother that it was okay. It sounded whiny and a bit adolescent.

The Hard Questions — Some of our friends have had high praise for Catholic pre-Cana, where couples are asked questions about themselves and the future that might not have come up during courtship. This book is a good stand in for that. We would just open the book and think about whatever question was on the page. A good guide and an interesting exercise.

We’d better get to the airport soon so we can be bored for a few hours.

Passport, tickets, money, papers, dress, rings… oy. Here we go!

I’d called to cancel this dress on June 2nd, after they recommended that I do so. But a couple days ago I got an e-mail from the company informing me that it would be shipped within the next day or so. I finally found their number (which had been removed from their website sometime since early June) and called them several times in addition to sending an e-mail explaining the situation. Fortunately, I got an e-mail later that evening which confirmed the cancelation.

The moral of this mistake? When canceling an order placed online, call twice and e-mail as backup should you not actually talk to a person.

On another note… in reading through these posts of mine, I realized I’ve never answered the question that I think many people will be wondering about.

Namely… Why?

Why keep this a secret?

I’ve never been one for ceremony and I hate being the center of attention. That automatically makes me less of a candidate for a “traditional” wedding (at least, the modern version of it). In addition, both Joe and I are rather private people… with a flair for the dramatic. It feels right for us to elope in Italy. If this doesn’t end up working out, we’ll figure out something else, most likely also in private. In the end, the commitment is between the two of us and we wanted something equally special and personal to go along with that.

However, once we get back, we hope to celebrate with our family and friends. The wedding won’t be complete until we can share our joy with everyone.

(I’m hoping, hoping, hoping, that my parents will be content with my actions. I’ve had several conversation with them in which they’ve implied if not outright said that they wouldn’t mind if I eloped, just so long as they can throw a party afterwards. I’m delighted with that prospect. I just hope that the reality of my actions doesn’t make them unhappy.)